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FRANCESCO GUARDIAN Aphorisms and Bumper Stinkers

Aphorisms  and  Bumper  Stinkers

This is one (of the many) good morning messages from Eric McLuhan to his friends. I, at least, read them in the morning as “Smiles of the Day”. [FG]

Apologies if some of these are familiar: some of them are new--to me
at least. Some. I think. Professionally, I think it instructive how this sort of one-liner
or--even briefer--bumper sticker has surfaced in our time as a popular
sport. Short attention spans involved, yes, but also the quick-witted barb.
The wryly cynical (or Cynical, in some cases) observation. Also there has
been a revival of Latin for the same occasion: phrases such as "put it where
the sun don't shine" can be rendered in a non-offensive manner by dressing
them in suitably antique garb: pone ubi non lucet sole ( or other
arrangements, because word-order in latin is rather freer than in English:
e.g., pone ubi sole non lucet, etc).[EmcL]


BUMPER STICKERS OF LIFE  

Everyone has a photographic memory.  Some don't have film.  

When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.  

Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.  

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.  

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.  

He's not dead, He's electroencephelographically challenged.  

She's always late.  Her ancestors arrived on the June Flower.  

You have the right to remain silent.  Anything you say will be misquoted, 
then used against you.  

I wonder how much deeper would the ocean be without sponges.  

Honk if you love peace and quiet.  

Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?  

Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.  

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.  

Back Up My Hard Drive?  How do I Put it in Reverse?  

I just got lost in thought.  It was unfamiliar territory.  

Eschew Obfuscation.  

Save the whales.  Collect the whole set.  

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.  

On the other hand, you have different fingers.  

Horn broken.  Watch for finger.  

All generalizations are false.  

Cover me. I'm changing lanes.  

I brake for no apparent reason.  

Forget about World Peace...Visualize using your turn signal.  

We have enough youth; how about a Fountain of Smart?  

He who laughs last thinks slowest.  

Lottery:  A tax on people who are bad at math.  

It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.  

Auntie Em:  Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog.  Dorothy.  

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.  

Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.  

I love cats...they taste just like chicken.  

Out of my mind.  Back in five minutes.  

Forget the Joneses, I keep us up with the Simpsons.  

Born free...Taxed to death.  

The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.  

Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.  

Rehab is for quitters.  

I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.  

Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let her sleep.  

All men are idiots, and I married their King.  

Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.  

Work is for people who don't know how to fish.  

Montana -- At least our cows are sane!  

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.  

Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.  

If you don't like the news, go out and make some.  

When you do a good deed, get a receipt--in case heaven is like the IRS.  

Sorry, I don't date outside my species.  

No radio -- Already stolen.  

Reality is for people who can't handle drugs.  

Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power surges.  

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.  

Where there's a will, I want to be in it.  

OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?  

Few women admit their age; Fewer men act it.  

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.  

Hard work has a future payoff.  Laziness pays off NOW.  

IRS:  We've got what it takes to take what you've got.  

Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students.  

It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.  

According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.  

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.  

Pride is what we have.  Vanity is what others have.  

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.  

Reality?  Is that where the pizza delivery guy comes from?  

How can I miss you if you won't go away?  

Warning:  Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.  

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.  

We are born naked, wet, and hungry.  Then things get worse.  

Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.  

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.  

Friends help you move.  Real friends help you move bodies.  

Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.  

Puritanism:  The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.  

Consciousness:  That annoying time between naps.  

Be nice to your kids.  They'll choose your nursing home.  

There are 3 kinds of people:  those who can count & those who can't.  

Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?  

Ever stop to think and forget to start again?  

Stop Global Whining  

Don't Vote: It only encourages them! 

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